This morning, on his way to work, my husband asked me to find out when the movies he had ordered online were going to show up.
The answer was, "Never, because you didn't actually order them."
There they were, sitting in his virtual cart, two items I knew he wanted: Star Wars Episodes 1 and 3 on Blu-Ray. (Don't judge him. He just likes things that happen in space.)
Below, in the "Saved" section: One BB8 bobblehead. Now, it was three items!
It was pouring rain, but I love my husband (and honestly, I don't know that he'll like anything else I got him for Christmas), so I put on my whale-patterned rain boots and went out into the Christmas Eve Eve madness.
I should probably say that I knew before I left that I wasn't going to find any BB8 merchandise. (I did find one display mug with caption "They see me rollin'." Hilarious!) That scamp J. J. Abrams knows what Americans want, and what they want is a BB8 bobblehead. You can get Poe or Finn or Rey. You can get 20 Luke Skywalkers in Jedi outfits. If you want a BB8, you will have to make your own.
Halfway through the mall, I wondered, What if the BB8 bobblehead was supposed to be for me? I love BB8! It made abandoning my quest after two hours that much easier.
I admit that I didn't look terrifically hard for the movies my husband wanted. It was wet, and I couldn't find a parking spot at the second store I thought I could investigate.
Also, with apologies to my darling husband, any reasonable store owner knows that no one wants those prequel movies. They are probably not in stock anywhere.
Fear not, capitalists. I did find a present for my husband. It's here in this bag, which Greta is sniffing (and Charlie, on the left, is fleeing):
Also, I found a present for me:
I deserve it.
In conclusion, today reminded me of what I already knew: Christmas shopping is scary. People will hang out in the middle of department store aisles for no reason. They will walk slowly and ensure that you can't get around them. They will buy all the BB8 merchandise and leave you with nothing.
Henceforth, I will just order everything online like a reasonable introvert would do. Besides, material goods aren't the real reason for Christmas. The real reason for Christmas is to have time off so I can read House of Leaves.
(I wonder if any new shipments of BB8 bobbleheads will come in tomorrow. I totally want one.)